Just Rambling. _. Hmph Ahhh, time without writing down here ... Well, several things have happened, so I'll go slowly ...
Let's see, I finally Muchik cosplay ... I had some setbacks, as the jacket was not yet know why, and also that I started to be late because I got very depressed with Kei, and then I let my students quiet , and with one thing and another ... also making the guise of Mary took me and lost time ... at least that was well, well ... anyway ... I soon as I started, a whole box agenda ...
finished with the jacket, I only had the rest, and in theory could finish in time ... but heck, it turned out that the jacket was not and it was nothing that could be arranged ... was the only way to do it again, and therefore it was impossible to finish on time. Then, back depression ... "The jacket was bad ... all that work ... suck making patterns, and I thought that was what he did best ... "and so on, what else would happen? as the fool I am, I go and I get depressed again and I get sick over a stupid -.- then one, two ... I see the days go by and I do nothing but walking short time. Why? I myself know. When I decide to do what I have to do is that I have no time! and what do I do? lie down to die and loose instead of working. Why? again, do not know. In the end I have to run and poor Muchik have to come to help and stays up late with me to finish the cosplay on time and the final ... by the bustle, there was no time to hit the details, and he left some in my house ... all by my initial laziness of not wanting to do anything. _. and something always happens. Without exception. ALL the time. Why am I so? I do not know. Luckily, Muchik resolved and did not bother, but ... I have been disappointed. The cosplay was cute, yes, but ... I ended up with swollen hands, pains in the neck and back, and a disaster in my house and my mother's house. Why? Because I'm lazy. _. the problem is that I have always done, and I have always found all good in the final. But this time, I have been to the great disappointment in myself. It was something that had to happen, to wake up, I guess. But really I change that? Sure I can, but, really I do it? I, of course, I say: Of course I will!, But I can not help doubting myself. _. I'm always disappointed, then, why should I continue to believe in me? then I get depressed. _. and I know I'm a fool for all that, but that 'too -.- must be the fault of the pill that makes me all the moods -.- of course, that I say. _.
And then ... Christmas comes. What is Christmas? So I do not know -.- Christmas is something that always depresses me. _. and this year, the worst was the lack of money -.- but in the end, as always, everything went well -.- then say life isn't Being too easy on me? -.- In the end, I will always be my worst critic. _. I keep thinking I Do not Deserve anything I have, & maybe that's the reason I hate ppls. _. But why, Though? I believe I always try my hardest, yet I know it's not really true -.- It Feels Like I'm just playing a game, always inside Safely my bubble -.- realistically, I should be starving to death, because I earn so little money & act so lazy... demo, my parents are always there to support me. Ppl are always there to support me. So I get spoiled ._. That's why I'm so lazy ._. because I know I can get away with it ._. and that's the problem!!! I understand the reason, yet... I don't do anything to fix it -.- I wonder if I'm even making any sense ._. anyways, I just wanted to express what I'm feeling... I am mad at myself for being so lazy -.- I am mad at myself because I know I can do much better, yet I refuse to even try -.- I am mad at myself because I'm spoiled & cause trouble for others -.- in the end... all I have to do is fix it ._. but I still refuse to ._. because Being comfortable is lazy -.- ahhh always returns the same problem. _. everything has to do with my laziness is my worst enemy -.-, I tell ya ¬ ¬ + and the worst is usually stronger than me xx;;; ahhh how things xx;;;
